A woman of a Thousand Dreams and few Realities

I decided to have a change of pace this semester. Since I've metaphorically "hit a wall" until I recieve my teaching certificate with my art education side of things, I decided to do something a little more tactile that will still further my art abilities. I turned to the theatre department and signed up for the makeup course, and got permission to audit the costume design course.

This has come with an interesting set of discoveries, as well as challenges. First off... Makeup is EXPENSIVE. And it seems that makeup, like art supplies, is one of those things You can't have enough of.

However, this has inspired and reawakened a part of me that has been dormant for a LONG time- The love of makeup and fashion.

Furthering that, the costume design class, despite being a time consumer, has taught me very practical applications to character design that I WISH I knew a semester before because it would have made my life a lot easier.

Learning these NEW things, especially for things I THOUGHT I knew, has kind of brought me back to the basics. I realized that I know very little.

I think one of the other things is that the classes I am taking now, though heavy in workload, are drawing us back to basics as well. For instance- learning from the ground up the fundamentals of digital art. Learning gesture and doing nothing but gestural poses so far in my Narrative Illustration class. Going to the open figure drawing studio on Tuesday nights and realizing that even my figure drawing was rusty.

Aside from classwork, I have found myself surprisingly tired and unmotivated.

What makes me sad is I have so many desires, so many passions, so many dreams and things I WANT to do, but I feel like currently I don't have the capacity to do it. I have the capacity only for school and even there, I feel like I'm starting over in a matter of speaking.
It makes me extremely sad because I constantly watch videos from youtubers who are making their living through their videos and working hard on that, read facebook posts of successful artists making a living at what they love, and here I am realizing that I  haven't done anything since school began to further MY dreams and MY career. I am then filled with a sense of shame for being "lazy".

Why, having lots of schoolwork has never stopped me before. Why should it stop me now?

I'm not entirely sure why, but I think my clinical depression is at play in part. But I hope to get over this hurdle soon.